It's the Final Countdown

So in 1 week and 1 day from now, I will be en route to New Jersey.

How does this make me feel? Sad.

It's hard, I really came into this just expecting to be OK being here for 1 semester. I thought China was still going to suck, I wouldn't really be into it, but I'd learn the language, make some friends, and be able to come back for business.

Well, uh, I guess things didn't really turn out like that. Of course I made friends, and I learned the language (to the best of my ability - hey, I bet I can speak Chinese better than the majority of you reading this blog). But put it this way: I don't want to come back for business, I want to live here and do business. I love China.

I know. It's a shocker.

I don't want to live in China forever. But I really think I want to live here in Beijing, at least for a couple of years. Going to Shanghai really made me grateful for choosing to study in Beijing, and as much as I gripe about the pollution or the toilets, I really like living here. I enjoy being able to speak Chinese; to most people, it comes to no surprise that I speak French. But Chinese, that is a skill. And I love surprising people when I speak it.

I love surprising myself when I speak it. It is becoming more and more often that I can eavesdrop on people's conversations on the bus, overhear teachers in the hallways, listen to my roommate on the phone and actually get the gist of what they are saying. I surprise myself when I can berate a cabbie for taking me the long way back to campus, or when I can speak to a vendor about the benefits of speaking Chinese (haggling is the number 1 benefit, obvi).

I am going to France next semester, as most of you know. Am I looking forward to it? I guess so. I'll continue to take Chinese - in French, that'll be fun...- and get my French back to fluency that I once had (China's kinda taken my French to shit). And I'll get to travel and see Amberle and Ali and just have a great time, without being scared of saying something in the wrong tone.

There will never be another time abroad like the one I am having right now. Even if I came back next semester to IES, it wouldn't be the same as this semester. But as I finally hit my stride, as I finally look around my classroom and realize how much I enjoy my Chinese class, and how our Chinese has finally gotten good enough to let our personalities show through, it is now time to pack up and leave.

I'm happy I've had this experience here; I'm happy I let myself admit that I did want to study here and not just in France; I'm happy I'm happy.

I will be ready to leave China next week. But after a month at home, I'll be ready to come back here. And knowing that that isn't an option for atleast another 5 months will be a hard to swallow.